


Genderqueer with a Side of Existential Fear

by HorseCrazyWriter76



Series: Adventures in Gender [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Brief mention of selective mutism, Fluff, Gen, Remy uses the t-slur and the b---- once each, non-binary virgil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-04 14:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorseCrazyWriter76/pseuds/HorseCrazyWriter76





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil’s fingers rubbed the edge of their backpack strap. The school bus had a substitute driver who was taking a route that left them at the last stop, and they weren’t sure if they was thankful for that or not. 

“Girl, you’re going to wear a hole through that strap by the time you get home at this rate,” Remy said, elbowing him in the side.

“I said not to call me that, Remington.”

“And I said I get to call you that as long as your dads still think you’re cis. Come on, you get gays for parents, most trannys don’t.”

“Whatever you do don’t use that phrasing again.”

“Ok, bit too far, but my point still stands. Just do it, don’t let your dreams be dreams!”

“Remy, really? That’s from like, four years ago.”

“Yet still relevant.”

“That phrase only has any relevance in terms to memes on Cookie Clicker.”

“You play cookie clicker?”

“Papa’s addicted to it and I see the banners on his screen sometimes. Oh, and sometimes he gives me a dollar to click the cookie while he runs a quick errand.”

“Cookie Clicker: More addictive for Patton than drugs.”

“But not as addictive as petting furry animals.”

“I swear he got Thomas more for him than for you. Does he still not know about Sally?”

“He would freak out if he found her. I think Dad might be suspicious, though.”

“Why did you choose a big hairy tarantula of all spiders to get?”

“She was hurt and she’s not a species with venom that’s deadly to humans. Besides, she’s really pretty.”

“Prettier than Gerrard?”

“Remy! I’m still recovering from the 22nd. You don’t mention anything about MCR until April 22nd, it’s a rule.”

“Prettier than… Roman?”

“Dork. Ask him out already.”

“No way! I’m not destroying your chances at getting the prince. Besides, he’s probably not into guys.”

“Are you kidding me? Don’t tell me he doesn’t set your gaydar to eleven. He has rainbow hair for Hayley’s sake!”

“Emo nightmare.”

“Caffeine addict.”

“I am surprised you didn’t add with a pen to the end of that sentence,” Remy huffed good naturedly. Virgil responded by rapping the rest of the song under their breath.

“Don’t darken your clothes any more or strike any violent poses when you’re not under my supervision, k?”

“Remy! The 22nd!” Virgil cried indignantly after their friend. Remy laughed and raced to get off the bus before the doors closed. Virgil curled into the corner formed by the wall of the bus and the seat back. Their fingers resumed their nervous trace of the edge of the strap as the bus jerked forward towards their home. They ran over the signs again in his head. Although they had gotten over most of his selective mutism in the couple years since they had been adopted by Logan and Patton, they still froze up sometimes, hence why they always recorded their school presentations at school and the teacher played them. As annoying and panic-inducing as it was to have your vocal chords occasionally disobey you, they couldn’t deny it had a few benefits. Still, hands were good. They had been surprised by how readily their dads had learned sign-language. Papa still had a really hard time, but they and Dad sometimes had entire conversations entirely in sign, even after they had felt comfortable enough to talk to him. Far too soon the bus pulled to a stop in front of Virgil’s neighbor’s house and they had to peel themself out of the seat and into the aisle with the last couple kids being dropped off. They let themself into the house.

“Kiddo! I was so worried about you! Why weren’t you here earlier? I’m so glad you’re safe!” Papa immediately whisked him into a hug.

“I too, was concerned. You haven’t answered any of our texts,” Dad came out of his study holding a pen and a test.

“I-” Virgil’s throat closed up on the first syllable so only a choked noise came out. Papa let go of them and they switched to sign.

“She says she left her phone at home because it ran out of charge. There was a different driver today and he drove a different way,” Dad translated for Papa.

“Aw, shucks. I feel silly for getting so worked up, but did something happen? You normally use your voice now,” Papa replied, waving his hand as if he was brushing off worry. Dad nodded to show he, too, thought it was odd they weren’t speaking.

“She says no.”

“Even I can read that sign, Logan. Hey! Don’t look at me, she’s signing again,” Papa replied in mock offense. Virgil quickly began signing out their message.  _ I’m genderqueer. I want you to use they/them pronouns. I want you to call me Virgil. _

_ Could you sign that less quickly?  _ Logan replied without translating. Papa’s face was furrowed in concentration as he tried to follow the conversation.

_ Papa, we all know you can’t follow this,  _ Virgil signed slowly, then fingerspelled when their message clearly failed to register in his head.

_ I can try!  _ He fingerspelled. Virgil sighed and showed him the proper signs.

_ I can try!  _ Papa signed.

“Indeed, you can. What were you signing before?”

_ I’m genderqueer. I want you to use they/them pronouns. I want you to call me Virgil.  _ They signed back.

_ You are genderqueer, your pronouns are they, and your name is now Virgil? _

_ Yes. _

“They say they’re genderqueer, their pronouns are they/them, and their new name is Virgil,” Dad spoke again. Virgil’s eyes widened slightly as he easily made the switch in pronouns.

“Ah! I’m so proud of you for telling us! Let’s throw a party to celebrate!” Patton squealed. Virgil cleared his throat a couple times until the tightness went down enough for him to speak.

“Letting Thomas sleep in my room will do,” they replied, albeit in a whisper. They all laughed as the dog in question wiggled his way into the center of the triangle before anyone could answer. 

“I think that could be arranged if you gave him a bath,” Dad said, looking down at the dirt stuck in his coat.

“Do you want a bath, Tomathy?” Virgil whispered into the dog’s ear as both they and Papa knelt down to cuddle with him. Thomas replied by leaning all 70-some pounds of himself into Virgil, knocking them down, before covering their face in doggy kisses.

“I think that’s a I’d-rather-go-to-the-creek,” Papa replied.

“You always want to go to the creek,” Virgil replied between bits of laughter as he tried to keep Thomas from licking inside his mouth.

“It’s best to wash him before the sun goes down,” Dad noted, tilting his head to indicate the setting sun outside.

“Ready, Thomas?” Virgil asked, finally succeeding in getting out from under his tongue. They grabbed the dog’s leash and raced towards the back door, although the golden-furred bullet that was Thomas was already tossing a tennis ball and catching it when they got out. He tore away from Virgil with his prize. They let out a whistle and he reluctantly dropped the ball and came over, holding still just long enough for Virgil to clip on his leash and tie it around the fence. They turned on the hose and lukewarm water came splashing out. They hosed him down and used the on-hand dog shampoo to work out all the dirt.

“I don’t know how you manage to get so much dirt stuck in your fur. It’s shorter than my hair,” Virgil murmured, laying their cheek on his soap-slathered back. They finally peeled themself off and hosed him down, before Papa tossed him a towel.

“Thanks, Papa,” they called over their shoulder as they rubbed Thomas down. He tore away over the grass as soon as they unclipped his leash. 

“I don’t know who got more wet, you or Thomas!” Papa laughed, looking at Virgil’s hoodie, which was now plastered to their skin with the hose water.

“Heh. Is dinner ready?”

“Yes!” Dad’s voice answered him. They hopped over the three steps to the back patio and slid into their place at the table. “If you want to wear that hoodie tomorrow you have to wash it tonight.”

“Mm, but I want to smell like lavender dog soap,” Virgil replied, twirling the end of one their hoodie strings. Dad obliged them with a hint of a smile and Papa chuckled. Thomas, for his part, stuck his head in Virgil’s lap, although his twitching nose peaked over the table at the burger set in front of Virgil. Knowing Dad it was healthier than it looked. They gently pushed Thomas away and he tried again with Papa. 

“Na-Virgil, pardon, I was wondering what made you choose genderqueer of all the possible labels,” Dad said after taking the first bite of his burger.

“Well, the binary needs to back off and it rhymes with existential fear.”

“Technically it rhymes with fear and the existential part does not change whether or not it rhymes. Except for if you put fear in front of existential, which does not follow english grammar laws.”

“Which grammar laws does it follow?” Virgil asked with a tiny huff of laughter.

“Several, the most well known being Spanish.”

“And Yoda’s! It’s based on Spanish, after all.”

“Actually, Spanish grammar follows a form of subject-object-verb while Yoda’s grammar generally follows a form of object-subject-verb, with some deviations.”

“Hey, Lolo?”

“Yes, Patton?”

“You I love.”

“Patton, our da-child is sitting in the chair next to us.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t tell you I love you!”

“I appreciate your presence, Patton.”

“Have fun, lovebirds,” Virgil smirked and brought their dish to the sink. They filled Thomas’s food bowl before disappearing upstairs and pulling Sally’s contained out from under their bed. They watched her crawl around for a little bit before feeding her and giving her water. They pushed her back underneath as they heard a floorboard groan. When Papa knocked, Virgil was replacing their hoodie with a nightshirt.

“Come in,” they grunted after making sure Sally was completely hidden.

“Hey, kiddo! A little early for bedtime, isn’t it?”

“Mm. I have a big biology test tomorrow and Dad is always harping on about getting enough sleep. I figured I’d try it out for once.”

“Want me to tuck you in?”

“I’m a teenager, I don’t need you to tuck me in. Besides, I still need to change and brush my teeth and stuff.”

“I know, but I like to. Hey, what’s the gender neutral form of daughter?”

“Is this a dad joke?”

“No! I can ask real questions, too.”

“I know. I guess it would be child or kid. Kiddo is gender neutral.”

“I know! It’s a great word. I feel like kid and child are really impersonal, though.”

“Eh. Blame English.”

“Hey! English language! Why don’t you have a gender neutral form of son and daughter? I love and support you with all my heart, but could you get on that?” Papa asked the ceiling. Virgil snorted.

“Why’d you come here anyways?”

“Well, you usually say goodnight before you leave and promise to do the dishes after school. I guess I was worried. I know you’re a teenager, you can take care of yourself, Dad and I were being really cheesy. I can’t help it! Oh, and Logan wanted you to know he expected the dishes to be done and that he’ll bring Thomas upstairs after he’s done eating.”

“Wait, he was serious about that?”

“If he were up here, he’d say he’s always serious because he wears a necktie.”

“Probably true. Tell him I’ll do them after school and thank him for letting Thomas sleep with me.”

“Can do! Have a goodnight, Kiddo, ok?”

“K. Goodnight, Pop Star,” Virgil replied and shut the door right before Papa started squealing. True to their word they went through their bed time routine and was sitting in bed when Dad opened the door with Thomas right on his heels. The latter of the two ran a lap around the room before joining Virgil in bed.

“Virgil, it’s 7:30pm.”

“And?”

“You normally wake up at 8. Going to sleep now and waking up at the normal time would give you over 12 hours of sleep. I also find it hard to believe you have no homework, especially after telling Patton you had a biology test tomorrow and that was why you wanted an early night.”

“I was planning on studying with an online friend and wanted to be able to go right to sleep afterwards?”

“Falsehood. How would you get in contact with your online friend? Your phone and laptop are both on your desk.”

“I thought it was later?”

“Falsehood, your alarm clock is in your direct line of sight from your bed.

“I was planning on staying up on tumblr?”

“Nan-Virgil.”

“Yes?”

“What made you choose the name?” Dad asked. Virgil blinked a couple times as they realized he was dropping the subject matter for now.

“Um. It sounded cool and he was a poet which is kind of cool.” They replied, then realized it was a bad idea to make it sound like they didn’t know much about it. Or maybe it was a good idea because now that Logan was lecturing he might forget about the whole staying up on tumblr thing. He soon realized he was out of luck, as the lecture only lasted 5 minutes before Dad grabbed his biology textbook from the desk. 

“Which chapter is the test on?”

“9 and 10,” Virgil replied, guessing they would be able to answer any questions about the chapter(it was what they were going over in class, after all) and silently cursing using a test as an excuse. It was 8:30 by the time Logan had finished grilling Virgil about cellular respiration, growth, and division and left, silently taking their phone and laptop with him. Virgil knew better than to argue and had pulled out a comic book.  _ Ah, all the ways you can stay up late,  _ they thought, absentmindedly playing with Thomas’s ears as he read until finally slipping into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil grumbled as the alarm clock forced them out of sleep. They started their roll to the ground(they had a layer of pillows there for a reason) when they were stopped by something, which then moved and actually jerked them out of sleep. They laughed when they realized it was just Thomas, who was just as confused as to why Virgil had disturbed him. They both got out of bed and Virgil turned off his alarm clock. They went through their morning routine, noting their phone had been put in their backpack sometime during the night, probably at whatever time Dad got up. They snatched an apple from the counter and called a quick goodbye to Papa, who was sipping his mug of coffee and petting Thomas, before running towards the bus stop. They slid into their seat next to Remy.

“Sup, girl.”

“Hah, can’t call me that anymore.”

“Wait, you actually came out?”

“Yup.”

“Spill all the tea. Better yet, dump it into the harbor. Our ancestors may have probably definitely been racist and sexist, but they knew what to do with tea.”

“Well, I signed it to Dad, he translated it using the correct pronouns, and Papa squealed in excitement.”

“See! I told you it wouldn’t be so bad. Now I need to find a gender neutral basic white bitch way to refer to you.”

“We’re on a school bus, beige.”

“What? I’m 14, the bus driver isn’t up here, the people around us are using worse language, I get to say things like that.”

“For the 14 are you talking about your age or your value on a ph scale?”

“Did you just...make a science joke calling me basic?”

“That’s what you get for ignoring the 22nd rule.”

“Patton and Logan are rubbing off on you in the worst ways.”

“The best ways.”

“Whatever you have to say to yourself.”

“You can’t say either of those two listen to my type of music, though.”

“Wait, let me guess what they listen to. Patton listens to a whole bunch of happy stuff, like Wrabel or PinkZebra. Logan listens to cheesey science songs, like from ASAPscience.”

“Wrong on both counts.”

“Ok, ms knowledgeable. What do they listen to and what is the gender neutral version of ms?”

“Papa listens to the campfire song from Spongebob on perpetual repeat. Logan listens to whatever is going on in the house, and mx.”

“I should have guessed Patton.”

“You should have.”

“Wait, is it an a or b day today?”

“A. It’s a wednesday, how did you forget?”

“It’s like, 8:30, how do you expect me to remember what day of the week it is?”

“You have coffee.”

“I’m only halfway through it.”

“...”

“Pity me!”

“No.”

“Selfish.”

“Attention hog.”

“Pig.”

“What? Oh, why is Roman getting on the bus?”

“What!” Remy hissed, peeking above the seats.

“Shortie,” Virgil huffed, but Remy didn’t reply. He was too busy watching Roman as he walked down the aisle. Most of the seats were full, three to a bench, this was the last stop along the most populated route, after all.

“Good morning, fair ones. Do you mind if I take a seat?” Roman asked. He had a Mexican accent that made Remy turn a light shade of pink and Virgil raise their eyebrows. They pulled their backpack onto their lap and scooted closer to Remy to make space before signing yes, just to see what he would do.

_Thank you! My name is Roman,_ he signed haltingly back, fingerspelling his name. Virgil smirked. They liked seeing people being worse than him at something, and Roman was definitely not an expert at sign language.

_Sup, Prince. My name is Virgil_ (fingerspelled) _or Virgil_ (personalized sign). _This is Remy_ (finger spelled) _or Remy(_ personalized sign). _We both already knew your name. Do you have a sign for your name? I don’t like to fingerspell. Also, Remy has a crush on you._

“Virgil!” Remy squeaked. He didn’t know that much sign language, but Virgil had shown him the sign for his name and crush.

“I-What level sign language are you in?”

“Sign language three for native signers,” Virgil replied drily, “And in case you didn’t catch the signs, I’m Virgil, this is Remy, he has-”

“No idea what Virgil was about to say!” Remy shouted, clamping a hand over Virgil’s mouth. They immediately licked it, and it was sign of how long they’d been friends that Remy didn’t react at all.

“It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance?” Roman replied uncertainty. Virgil nodded and Remy let him go after a sharp look of warning.

“Are you gay?”

“Virgil!” Remy clamped his hand back over their mouth. Roman, for his part, just laughed.

“Oh my gosh, how did you know? It’s the eyeshadow, right?” he said, grinning, and batted his eyes. Virgil reexamined the boy’s face and found the slightest hint of red eyeshadow dusting his eyelids.

“Yup, just the eyeshadow. Not at all the hair at all.”

“You’re less emo than I thought you would be.”

“Roman, you’ve doomed us all,” Remy said and pushed his hand over his ears as Virgil took a deep breath. The next second they were practically shouting Rock Bottom, then Ain’t it Fun, then I Write Sins not Tragedies, and a variety of other songs, all the way until the bus pulled up to school.

“Are you in choir?” Roman asked as people squished into the aslie to get off.

“Ha! No, of course not.”

“What do you mean of course not? I happen to think you have a great voice and I don’t say that often!”

“Whatever, Princey,” Virgil huffed and stood on the seat, hopping over the other’s legs to get off the bus. They rushed to get to their class before either Remy or Roman could catch up to them. They slid into their seat for science and wrestled their notebook out of their backpack. The teacher came in right as the bell rang and started handing out a quiz answer sheet. Virgil held back a huff of laughter at the coincidence. They easily answered the questions and retreated into their book. The rest of the school day breezed by. Remy got lunch detention again for wearing his sunglasses inside, then had to stay after because “I was going to make up a test then, but whatever, they want to hold me back from academic success, then fine, I’ll just find a way to succeed despite them.” Virgil slid into his seat, only to find Roman already sitting there.

“Sup.”

“Good afternoon, is Remy coming?”

“Nah, he had to make up a test,” Virgil replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes as the last couple people trickled onto the bus.

“Why did you say of course not in response to me asking if you were in choir?”

“Have you been turning that over in your head all day? You need some better standards if that’s what occupies your thoughts. Maybe you can think about all the awful ways you can die.”

“What? No! Why would I do that?”

“Dunno, seems better than muling over some kid you just met.”

“A girl who’s making me question if I’m really gay.”

“Who?”  
“You!”  
“I’m not a girl, Princey. Ever thought of that?”

“Wait, you’re a boy?”

“Nope.”

“But you said you weren’t a girl.”

“Yup.”

“How?”  
“Emo magic.”

“I should have guessed.”

“Yup.”

“You’re not going to burst into Welcome to the Black Parade?”

“22nd rule!”

“What’s the 22nd rule?”

“You do not mention the _them_ until the 22nd of April.”

“You know what? I don’t even want to know.”

“Good. You don’t want to deal with an ahem during the 22nd gap when they’re mentioned.”

“That… now I wish Remy was here because I have a feeling he’d be able to explain this.”

“Remy’s bad at following the 22nd rule.”

“Ok.”

“Did I just reduce you to a single word response?”

“I suppose you did.”

“Score. Also, why are you on this bus now?”

“Tis a long a complicated history.”

“K.”

“You’re not going to ask me to tell it?”

“Nope.”

“Did I just reduce _you_ to single word responses?”

“That’s my default. Oh, look, there’s the stop. Bye, Princey,” Virgil said and slid out of the seat before the bus full stopped. The bus driver opened the doors without batting an eye. They darted into the house and dumped their backpack at the bottom of the stairs. Thomas ran down the hallway in the same instant and they spent a moment giving him attention.

“Hey, Kiddo! How was school?”

“Good,” Virgil replied, gently pushing Thomas off of them.

“I made cookies!”

“What type?”

“Chocolate chip, plus a batch of carob chip for Thomas.”

“Come on, Thomas, let’s go eat ‘em all.”

“That wouldn’t be healthy for either of you,” Logan sighed in conjunction with Patton’s cry to leave some for the baker. Virgil laughed and grabbed two for them, as well as tossing Thomas a cookie from the helpfully labeled “doggy batch.” Their phone buzzed in their pocket and they pulled it out to see a rapid string of text messages appearing on his screen.

**Spare Me**

_Unknown Number has added you and Caffeine Beige to a group chat_

**Unknown Number:** Greetings, fair citizens!

**CB:** Sup, beige

**Unknown Number:** Beige?

**CB:** Everyone knows the best way to censor cuss words is to say colors instead.

**Unknown Number:** Why censor at all in this conversation? I highly doubt Virgil is bothered by cussing based on his choice of songs this morning.

**CB:** You’d be surprised.

_Caffeine Beige has sent an image_

_Unknown Number has sent an image_

_Caffeine Beige has sent an image_

_You changed the name of the conversation to Spare Me_

**You:** Unknown number youre prince dude

**Unknown Number:** The one and only!

**CB:** Prince dude?

**You:** What i saw last years musical

**Geek in Shining Armour:** You, too, enjoy theater?

**You:** I enjoy making fun of it

**GSA:** Come on

**CB:** She enjoys it

**You:** They

**CB:** They!

**GSA:** Oh, could you explain what the 22nd rule is supposed to mean?

**CB:** You can’t mention My Chemical Romance until April 22nd around them

**GSA:** Oh

**You:** I told you hes awful at following the rule

**GSA:** I don’t see how explaining can be counted.

**GSA:** Wyd?

**CB:** Waiting for the teacher to make copies cuz apparently she somehow forgot i was coming

**You:** Texting you

**You:** And eating a cookie

**You:** Thomas is jealous even though he already had a cookie

**GSA:** Who’s Thomas?

_You have sent an image_

**GSA:** Srsly

_Caffeine Beige has sent an image_

**GSA:** Thank

**CB:** Sepia shes coming

**CB:** Bye

**GSA:** What does sepia mean

**You:** Its a color

**You:** I thought he already told you

**GSA:** O

**GSA:** Sepia my mom thinks im doing homework n shes coming

**You:** F

**You:** L will probs kill me if i dont do mine too

**You:** Bye

Virgil smiled and tucked their phone back in their pocket. Then, instead of doing homework like they implied, they grabbed a tennis ball and ran into the backyard to play with Thomas.


End file.
